Apologies  To My Younger Self 

Dear Younger Self,
It’s been a while I wrote you last. I know you might have been wondering what’s up with me.

Well, I have been feeling guilty. Guilty for all the promises we made back then that I haven’t been able to fulfill.

I’ve always wanted my next note to you be filled with all the fulfilment of dreams we both had. But I don’t want to keep postponing it.

See, so many things happened that even if I try to explain, my explanation will never suffice. It might eventually turn out as many empty, flimsy excuses.

Like I said, it’s a “Letter Of Apology!”

I’m sorry I failed to be a graduate at age 20.
I’m sorry I didn’t study nursing like we both aspired to.

I’m sorry I didn’t get married at age 22 like we both planned. See, I got to understand so much about that word called “Marriage” our parents must have had to do a lot of research to stick to each other that much or maybe they feigned it just for a ‘make believe’ to us their kids.
I’m still not sure about relationships yet. I’m not sure if I’m scared or maybe I just can’t make any sense out of it or maybe, it’s not yet time.
Believe me, it’s the least thing on my mind right now and I need you to forgive me double on that.

I’m sorry I didn’t live up to our dream of becoming like Stella Obasanjo in look and in achievements. I realized I can only be ME and I don’t need to be like anybody else.

I’m sorry I forgot about our dream to have a Foundation, an organization; just something for the less privilege kids and orphans at age 24. I know this was our greatest goal. But I messed it up bae! I was carried away by life’s storm and it had a hard toll on me.
Though lately something has been waking up that goal within me. After each “Thank you Father!” every morning, my heart draws to “That Child” that needs love and care somewhere. I pray for “That Child” and hope they remain strong.
I see every child as my own and I feel their pain to a fault I always defend them when they are blamed or judged unduly.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to live up to our plans. All we planned and dreamed of became as nothing because I loosed sight of it.

Sorry for the things I never said.
Sorry for the people I never loved.
Sorry for the time I was weak.
Sorry for being timid for so long.

Dear, I hope you understand and pardon me. You just have to see what life had turned out to be.
Not like I’m trying to apportion blames or give excuses, but growing up and living our dreams is more than what we thought it was back then.

Life is filled with surprises dear and it always unfold what it has for us gradually.
I was an ‘eejit’ for revolving in a circle and brawling over each surprises that unfolds without seeing a need to pick the good in it and move on.

Life is beautiful, but I didn’t understand because it always turns the dark side to me. Well, so I thought!

I realized I can move on and be what I want to be if I could only muster the courage to believe. Life wasn’t that hard after all and we can scale through every challenge it brings our way.

It’s like a puzzle that we have to take our time out to fix. We have to pick some and drop some because it doesn’t fit in.
It’s somehow tiring and it gets boring especially when you have a big picture to fix. But in the end, it’s always beautiful and orderly though the fixing and arranging takes time.

Life leaves us with a quest to solve and brings a riddle to sort out every now and then.
We just have to keep sailing and know that life goes on despite its difficulties.

I believe my next note to you will be filled with many good tidings and most of our dreams and the ones you know nothing about will have come to fulfilment.

I hope you understand my reasons for not writing to you for a long while.
Thank You for understanding and most importantly, Thank You for teaching me to be strong from my early years.

I still love you and that love is pushing and motivating me to do more to see you fulfilled.

Your Matured Self
Fkayomi

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