I Saw those thin small lines on my hands and those scars brought back dark memories.
Rumminate how I cried myself to sleep everynight
Depression was always there to haunt
Words in my head ever ready to taunt
Everything about me was odd and I knew I wasn’t sound
Voices screaming in my head to “end it all now!”
Suicidal thoughts gives you many option, but the most suitable was to cut.
It wasn’t exigent like some vigorous sport
All I need was just some sharps to make the big cut.
My first attempt wasn’t bad when I tried
I couldn’t feel the pain though I cried.
Gave it a second try again and I bled like a dye
Blood red like crimson flowed
But I didn’t give a damn.
It was becoming an addiction
But I didn’t care!
My blood flowing
With a pleasing feeling
As I watched the blood oozing through my parted skin
What a great feeling
A means of escape from my emotional feelings
How good it feels when the edge of the blade kisses that skin with the lie that:
It relieves the emotional pain.
I never knew I was rapidly relapsing
The next morning bath, a burning sensation that stings
Through the blade-scratched skin
It always felt so warm and a bit refreshing
I couldn’t have asked for anything more
Slitting my skin open was an escape route
An escape route from the moment;
An escape route to deceive all that “I’m fine”
Stepping out to face the world was a tedious task
The scars always too visible to hide
Long sleeves and jackets helps disguise
I’ll say “I’m comfortable in it” even in a hot class.
Cutting is a fiend but I never knew
I felt it was a way to be free from every guile
Addictive, but I never understood
Self destructive, but no one gave me a clue.
“Who will save me from myself?”
I often wailed within
I hide and cry and promise to ditch the Bitch
But yet again I find myself constantly going back to cut
Watching the blood oozing till it clots
I pick my phone and make a call
Maybe I’ll feel distracted for a while
But I find myself slitting the sharps through at the statement “I’m fine”
How much longer do I have to see you as a reliever?
How much longer do I have to leave those sharps and yet again turn back to it for solace?
Now I know I’m addicted to a silly way of life
But how can I condemn what brings me solace?
I craved to be free from me, but possibilities were eluded from me.
After my failed attempts to stop;
I was really hurt!
Cutting was my way of coping,
Ignorantly destroying myself gradually.
I never knew I didn’t worth to be in a self-destructive gloom
I wish I knew better then than to believe the lie of my feelings
I wish I knew earlier that I can fight the faceless enemy within
I wish I knew I’m stronger than the voices in my head.
But now I realize it’s never too late to break free!
You are your own voice and it’s time to face the faceless enemy. Trying to stop cutting is like trying to stop living. You free your pain and hurt at the sight of the oozing blood and your only faith of relief is in that scratch you leave on your skin. But gradually, you’re destroying yourself. Self destruction is what you are into and given your life to it and making yourself believe: its the only option or purpose you have.
It’s time to let the past go because you don’t have to live in it anymore!
Put the blade down because you know you’re worth it!
Find hope in the place of hurt!
It’s the best way you know to survive, but can you look beyond the joy and said relief and see a more perfect help?
You don’t deserve the cuts you make. Let the past remain as a scar for you to move forward with a better hope because there’s always hope out there for you.Save yourself from a heart full of pain and sorrow and see reasons to live another day with joy of being a survivor!
I eventually knew I didn’t have to pull such silly stunts to survive.
I understood my perfect help was and is God
He was always on guard, though I Was too blinded to see Him.
To see you happy is His joy
Life in him is tangled with joy
And I’m glad I can now move on despite my scars and introduce Him to you too!
My scars leaves a sign to tell of who I used to be. I stare at it today and smile at the thought of the great survivor I’ll always be.
I look forward to a day we will all look at our scars and boldly say: Goodbye cut!
Photo Credit: picturequotes.com
Inspired by: beautifulkindofthoughts