You stared at that scar again
You’ve always observed it with so much gaze
“What could have caused you a visible scar in such a place?”
I only smiled in reply
You walked closer to feel it this time
“It’s smooth to the touch” you said
“But how come with such a scar that’s so bold beside your eyes?
Maybe it’s a bacteria or a form of skin infection” you concluded
“I don’t really know” I retorted
But all the while I kept staring at you
Images flashing through my mind like a thriller through you
“You had asked who took what you kept here?”
I told you the truth but you refuse to believe
Yes I do steal cause you hardly feed me
Though I was truthful with you this time but you failed to believe me
In no time, the turning stick became your lance
You used it on me like you were piercing a piece of wood;
More like you were beating an object without feelings.
I wailed and groaned under your lock as you continued mercilessly.
That wasn’t your first time,
But this time you smacked me more gruesomely.
At that moment,
I wished I was with my mum and not with you.
How would I forget going to school the following day;
With my right eye swollen, bruised and black
I could barely see what was beside me save I made a turn
The hoot of a coming car made me freeze
I thought I’d looked carefully enough
But my sight was very poor;
That car almost hit me down but you never knew.
I was just six,
But the picture still sticks
It seems like yesterday, though it’s seventeen years now.
I smiled at your touch on that scar you caused many years ago
I wish you knew the truth about it
I wish you have cared enough to be kind to me
I wish you never maltreated me causing me such pernicious physical and emotional pain
I wish you took me as your daughter and not a mere niece.
To someone out there,
You might have a child in your care
A child you abuse verbally and domestically
The pain you inflict on them makes them shattered
It leaves a lasting scar; not just on their skin, but on their mind.
You might forget;
Of which you’ll eventually do
But that child would never forget
You might see them as nothing today,
But will eventually need them for something important again.
Treat every child right
Every child has a right to be happy and no child is more important than the other.
In Anything you do to a child,
Don’t abuse them in anyway
Let’s save the future of every child from being traumatized
Say no to domestic violence!
Do they ever listen?
How I’m sure they really understand my plight?
Is there any sense of empathy in you two?
Do they really care?
Why are you two like this?
I thought you’re my parents;
A place I can go to and rely solely on
I thought you’re friends;
Someone I can trust always
But I got the opposite
I try to believe it’s your busy schedule
But I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I have questions
I need answers
I crave for attention
I want to understand some changes
I need your perspective about issues
But you’re never ready to heed
Maybe it’s a crime to be a teen
A grave disaster to ever grow up with inquisitions
At first, I felt you’re busy
I tried to understand
But it’s now constant
And it’s killing me inside
How can you be too busy for me?
Do I really deserve the silent treatment;
One word one answer for every quest?
Money could fade away;
Business might die down
But I’ll always be here;
Coping and persevering through thin and dark with you
But I don’t think you understand that truth.
Now I try to find a listening ear elsewhere
Trust was what I always feared
But I dared to take that step
And now I’m someone you don’t know;
Someone I wish I knew myself
I found the answers to the quest you should have made ease for me in the hard way
Is this how it ought to be?
I think about my child
I imagine him or her threading this same path
Paths of a teenager who needs answers to their inquisitions
Path that makes us wonder about the changes in our bodies and mind
I imagine him or her seeking answers and attention elsewhere
And I understood what it means to give my time and attention to my child
Too bad you let me learn the hard way!
I had been acting weird
But no one knew my heart had been seared
Not with a spear or an arrow
But by the way I was marred.
My innocence was taken By a man who called himself a father.
I tried to talk to you mummy
I tried to make you understand my shortcomings
But you were always too busy!
“I don’t have much time to talk”
You’ll always retort.
I sat with you in the kitchen
And each time I tried to speak
“His food should be ready already”
Was what you’ll say.
I had come back from school
He was always at home
He started with fingering
And said it was nothing.
I grew older and it got wider
He expanded his horizon
A man who sleeps with a mother and her daughter
It disgusts me
I planned to kill him
Before he gets to my little sister.
If he did defiled me
Though not my biological father, it won’t be a big task to defile her
Who’s biologically his
I tried to get your attention
I tried to make you understand
But you were just too busy
Do you ever listen?
Do you even care?
Do you feel my plight?
Guess you were too occupied to be there
Now I’ve done the forbidden;
I’ve killed a man
Not just a man,
But your husband
The man you always tried to defend
But whom I detest
I had hoped you’ll see the signs
And understand why I always sigh
I’ll shudder at the tiniest slam of the door
But you felt I was possessed by a demon
“He came again last night”
I had said
But you didn’t even listen
Maybe you heard
But just felt to ignore
I made up my mind to kill a man,
Maybe the blindfold will fall from your eyes
And you’ll see more clearly.
“He always tries to sleep with me”
But you said I was crazy and my father wouldn’t do such a thing to me
“He’s my step-father!”
You were never around
And he always had his way
Too late you believed
Only when you saw his unclad lifeless body in my room
I was tired of his continual coming
I’d kept a knife to end the mess
I’ve killed a man
I hope you now believe me.
Parents out there
I know you are busy
You need to make ends meet
But do you have time for us?
We need your attention as much as you need money
We’ll adapt even if your business fails
But we’ll never outgrow the pain of making a mistake you would have helped us avert.
Please take us seriously,
We need your time,
We need you to listen
We need you to explain
We need you to believe
And we need you to understand
Even our very irrational quest.
I’ve killed a man because my mom didn’t believe and she never tried to understand.
Once upon a time, a young man who didn’t see any possibility of being strong enough to fight, threshed wheat in a winepress to hide it from the enemy.
While he was busy trying to get the wheat in a safe place, he saw a man under a tree close to where he threshed and the sight made him quiver. He thought he was an enemy and this made him scared the more.
“How on earth will I fight this man if he happens to be an enemy and if I should let him leave with this wheat, my family will die of hunger.” Those were his thoughts when the man called Gideon and told him how mighty he is.
Those words of mightiness made Gideon chuckle and he talked about his weakness and how lowly he thought himself and his family to be. Little did he know he was speaking with an Angel.
The final assuring phrase from the Angel woke up the strength in him.
For the first time in his whole life he knew he was greater than the physical weak muscle. With this grace, he became bold and what seems like a challenge became a child’s play to him and by this weakling the enemies of a whole nation was stayed.
God is so great that He can use anything and anyone to bring forth His Praise. It doesn’t matter how weak, hidden, cast out or little you are, He can use you for His glory. He can bring you from that low estate and set you above those you once looked up to for help. That is how wonderful His grace is when it speaks for you..
Grace can speak for you and bring you out even in the deepest pit.
Are you going through a tough time and you think God has forgotten you? All He said seems to be a lie ’cause you have waited for eons and you don’t see it coming?
Just wait on Him. Don’t give up yet!
He knows how to confront the mighty things of this world with base things and the all wise challenge is nothing but foolishness to Him.
He loves you and He cares! If it wasn’t for His glory, He wouldn’t permit that challenge.
You are greater than you ever imagined and your miracle is closer than you think.
Always see possibilities in every impossibility and strength in every weakness!
Earlier today I was singing the hymn “When The Roll Is Called Up Yonder” with my nephew and a voice within asked “if the roll is called this moment will you truly be there?” I just smiled and shook my head trying to wave the thought away.
Lately I’ve been far from the Fountain that flows to bring me peace. I stare at the Bread of Life but I’m not sure of what to do with it. The challenges and pain I faced these past weeks seems to have had an hard toll on me; it almost swayed me away. Despite my timidity, I have to admit that I almost threw in the towel. It was that serious!
But God always knows a way to drag Fikayo back to the Cross and awaken me again. Why He always does that will be one of the many questions I’ll ask God when I see Him.
I think my falling away from Him always comes from the fact that I’ve always held Him as this Supreme Being somewhere far away that choose whom to bless and whom to talk to. I’ve had this imprecision that: I can’t ask Him questions with the fear of the quote “no one can question God.” It took me forever to understand that God is not a weirdo who I can’t talk to freely and this kept me in confusion and affected my state of mind and even after knowing the truth that I can ask Him any question about anything that seems to confuse me, I still find it a difficult thing to adapt to.
I’ll just hoard it in and after a while I’m like “God just stay away for a moment for me to get myself together. I can’t even afford to ask you why all these is happening to me. I’ll be back when I have it all sorted out.”
But He(God) on the other hand keeps watching and when He sees that I’ve learnt my lessons, but I’m about to quit on everything, He shows up again and brings me back in His hands like a little baby; I’m His baby anyways.
One truth is this: God is not a weird Father and Friend whom we can’t ask questions. Jeremiah 33:3 settles this. We can’t question His authority or question Him for His plans or why He made something so, but we can always ask Him about issues we are confused and not sure about.
I hate it when I have to put Him in such stress of dragging me back every now and then, I know He isn’t complaining about that.. But I want us all to know we are serving a God who sees and knows where the shoes hurt, but He wants us to speak and talk to Him if we really want to keep the shoes or pull it off.
He knows we are seeking answers to those questions, but He wants us to commune with Him and ask questions about the situation to get answers.
God can’t be questioned, but we can surely ask Him questions that I know for sure and these two are different phrase with different meaning.
Hey there, what is it that is bothering you like me? What questions have you lurked within and wish to find answers to, but you are too scared to ask?
Believe me, you are Just a prayer away filled with all your questions and everything will be settled.
It’s time you open up and let the healer set you free!
My main objective of creating a blog was for me to find a place where I can freely express myself and my pain without the fear of anyone looking down on me.
Facebook would have been a good place for that, but family and friends are all there following my every post and I’m the natural reclusive type. I hoard things to myself a lot. Maybe for fear of being judged; I don’t really know! But I prefer keeping it all to myself and writing it down at intervals.
Recently I realized I’m not the only weird one on earth and someone out there might need to read from me to understand he or she is not alone in their plight.
We are all here on Earth for a purpose and no matter how we try to hide, we will never be able to escape our destiny. No matter how complicated your life may be, I want you to always have this in mind “Hope Is Just A Step Away.”
Check out my poetry forum page and you might find something to keep you going there http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/afikayomi